A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and speaks to him.
"Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid that you were in a rather a bad accident on the highway yesterday. However, you're going to be fine, you'll walk again and pretty much everything else seems to be OK. There is, though, one wee bit of bad news but I'm going to break it to you as gently as I can.... Your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The guy groans a little but listens as the doctor continues.
"We've checked your insurance and the good news is that you've actually got $27,000 worth of compensation coming to you. Even better news is that we now have the technology to build you a new penis that will work just as well as your old one; better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It is $3,000 an inch."
"So it's a simple decision," the doctor adds, "you need to decide how many inches you want. It's something we think you should discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch penis before and you decide to go for a nine one now, which you can afford, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine incher before and you decide only to invest in a five incher now, she might be a bit disappointed. See what I am getting at? So it's important that you consult with her to help you make the decision."
The guy nods and agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day.
"So" he says to the patient, "'have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the guy.
"And did she help you make a decision?'
"She did," replies the man.
"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen"
The Accident 
